Monday, December 10, 2012

falling into the words


On a dreamy eve recently I joined the loved colleagues for drinks at 'The Local' in Carlisle st. I've worked at the StKilda library long enough to remember when this building that now embraces a well-designed and richly timbered beer-house was a huge op-shop owned by an old and very eccentric Russian couple. She had black dyed hair and venomous red lipstick. He was short and wore braces to holed his pants bellow his tummy. And see, it wasn't actually an op-shop, it gave nothing to any known charities, it was just a mammoth and darkly-dank cavern full of old clothes and strange objects. Nothing was priced, all reeked of mildew, and the boards would creak ominously as you tiptoed past the steam from their samovar, on perpetual boil to refill their tiny glasses of tea on the counter.

If you found something you wanted to buy you tiptoed up to the counter, curtsied (ok, maybe not) to the Baroness and with much meekness asked “How much?”. Quickly her husband would be at her side, and together they would ruthlessly cast a calculating look from your quality-of-shoes to carat-of-gold in your earrings.

If you looked poor it was always “For you dahlink five dollars”. Look well-heeled and it was a few moments of vehement narrative about the items' origins and its wonderful OLD and EUROPEAN pedigree...And as a young Australian of this young and ill-bred island that wouldn't know history if it slapped them with a red-talonned hand, you would nod at any price, fumble for the money and leave hurriedly, only later discovering the 'Katies' label...

But I digress.

I really adore most of my colleagues, and on this eve we were in fine form, celebrating the resignation of a well-liked chum who's braved the big decision to change his work and pursue his passions.

Some favourite conversations were with fellow writers. One, L, is a beautiful yet oddly shy young woman I've known since she was a garrulous six-year-old. She's just won a major poetry prize that comes with publication. She was modest: articulate and self-effacing, and we recalled her childhood memories and mine of our social times when I was good friends with her parents. A brief chat with E, a shelver who I see daily doing that wonderfully writer-ish thing with complete unselfconsciousness; he sits at the cafe beside work, black curls bent over the tiny laptop, long coffee lingering at his side, smoke after smoke in his hand as his poetry spills out like heart-bloom. And later a more lyrical conversation with the Polish J. I've read his book of poetry and hear in it the sound of war, of a Europe long gone, ancestral memory drumming out its grief in a young man in a young and brash country. In his words, so adept, his desire to be understood in a second and seemingly useless language.

For him, the act of writing is a warming thing, he described the sun-drenched sensation, he has written of the fire he feels in his work and uses in his work, of feeding the words to fire sometimes so that better ones rise from the ashes. A man of cold climes seeking warmth from his work, belonging, the shock of vodka heating the belly.

And me, with the outback of Bourke a searing harmonic that thrums like blue-wire in my extended Irishy family. Me with the harshly singing Australian light always over me. I, who when I write, am always falling into a cool pool, expanding into the water's caress, falling beneath a dreamy surface, the liquid skin moulding me to the world like a lover to his body.

Ah, to write. To write. To sing and hum and dream.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

and so, a return to what I know.


Nights like this I feel the seasonal cusp, this feels like true Spring being brought in by winds that rise and plummet as furious as a tango crescendo.
Shall I read, shall I ponder, shall I set out on a wander and watch the leaves of the Kurrajong trees whirl?
I know it’s been too long since I’ve been here Sailor Girl.
 The only problem with having ever had a regular blog presence is the guilt when I don’t write here, but just as 'Emily’s Posts' did many years ago in the first foray into ‘Web 2.0’, Sailor Lily had an identity crisis. Honestly it just felt like between here and my adolescent diaries and the two other regular forums I write to I had nothing to say.
So simply to reset, restart and begin, I’ll begin most simply. Today I was a Librarian and it was the perfect time to remember the simple calling of that profession I love. A bit too much time lately has been spent doing useless ‘fattened up’ administration that seems to serve nothing but the beast that has its head firmly planted up its own rectum…
So today I worked at the little library, the one where people almost drift inside then say  ‘ooh, I think that’s my book on the reservation shelf there’, or ‘dear can you help me with this photocopy?’ or they meet the other Mother whose bub just had that awful screaming six-week immunization at the Maternal and Child Health Centre and they open either the thermos or the cardigan and feed milk to the bub and natter to the Mum who for the next twenty-minutes is the only one in the world who understands….

An old man I recall from about fifteen years ago came in and wanted help with information on how to donate his organs: ‘I’M A NUNCE ON THE COMPUTER LUV’ so I began to help and find him pages to print. ‘MY LIVERS GOOD AND MY HEART AND I GOT TWENNY-TWENNY DON’T WANNA WASTE YUR TIME’ and I kind of signed and yelled that time at this little library was like Tardis-time, sticky-taffy time i.e. that ‘ I’VE GOT NOTHING ELSE TO DO!!’.
So we signed and yelled and somehow found what he wanted, and he left with the parting joke ‘NOT DONATING THESE EAR-DRUMS THO!’ at which I hooted with glee.  Ten minutes later he was back with a Mars Bar jubilantly extended ‘FOR HELPING ME OUT!!!’.
Yeah I’m trying to diet but sheesh, working til 2pm without lunch gets hard.  Not as hard as that Mars Bar though, which I reckon was left over from his Grand-Sons fourth birthday party back when ‘Wham’ was topping the charts…
Be seeing you.

Friday, July 13, 2012

The epiphanies of love: a tree, a rock, a cloud and bubbles


Come closer. Close enough that my love can bloom upon you. I want to talk about love. We don’t even need to talk; the space between us can just vibrate our thoughts to each other.
When I was young I had a tree-house and sitting in it surrounded by pine-boughs and the scent of sap and the cool breezes and the sky view I had my first love-epiphany. Love was beating all about us, could be drunk in through my pores and breathed out as exhalations back to the air. It was greater than loving my family or my pets or curling up in bed with Enid Blyton. It was and it was and it beat out its ebb and flow.
I learned later that this thinking was akin to that of the Romantics, but then it was all mine, my sky view/heart thrum/harmonic of love.

In year ten I read a short-story and had another epiphany. It was ‘A tree, a rock, a cloud’. It was about loving in mere moments, loving via observation and meditation until the object was close-felt, not understood exactly and certainly not owned, but felt within the viewer until their sails filled with air and billowed outwards towards the object.

In my twenties I once danced on a floor of mud in the forest with two hundred others. I had taken ecstasy and began to blow bubbles  from a child’s toy. As we dancers moved amongst the bubbles and the raindrops we merged to become one organism made of many cells, an amniotic cup of love and warmth held in the music-womb. I saw the bubbles as little moments of love, fleeting and shiny and perfect then gone.

Does it surprise you that I live this way, making myself fall into love-bubbles like a happy kid dancing in mud-puddles?  Every day so many people I work with and the moment when behind my mask of boss-girl I love them.  The patrons of my work: the smart the sane, the mad, sad and ugly. The suited, the shabby the cranky or bitchy. All of them their own universes of complexity and memory and love stories. All of them born utterly innocent then stamped or stamped on by the world. Always I seem to feel the one bright strand in their weft and weave, the one second perhaps in which to love them.

I am not a Christian; I disavow the church and most streams of ‘the spiritual’. I see, I love, I write, I love, I am harsh or not, kind or cruel, known or the other. In my tree I try to sit, to feel the air ebb and flow, smell the scent of new sap. I reach for my child’s toy and blow bubbles. I blow them because they dance.